Wiki-Spec Script: “The Life of the World to Come”, The Wire

In show biz, a spec script is written under “speculation”. No one has contracted the writer to make this script; she is doing it on her own time. In television, aspiring writers often write spec scripts for existing shows, to prove that they can write anything successfully.

Typically, one wants to pick a show he is super familiar with (and is still on the air). I, on the other hand, am completely ignorant of The Wire, besides the fact that the President loves it and the creator of The Wire hates it. Total ignorance (and the show’s cancellation in 2008), however, has never stopped me before. Here, inspired by a random Wikipedia article, is an excerpt from a spec script for The Wire.

Shouldn’t it be called The Waveform?

EXT. MEAN STREETS OF BALTIMORE – DUSK

Everything’s DIRTY, GRITTY, OBVIOUSLY POOR. A DEAD MAN, wearing a fancy suit, lies in an alley.

Two MEN enter, wearing NOT SO FANCY suits. They grimace. One man tosses his CIGARETTE aside. He is DETECTIVE WALLY WIRE.

WIRE
Stockbroker, 35. Tried to predict the future. Talk about a market crash.

DETECTIVE PART NER, Wire’s partner, looks down and sighs.

NER
I think you set my shoe on fire.

Wire looks down. Ner’s shoe is DEFINITELY ON FIRE.

WIRE
That’s comin’ outta my fuckin’ pension. Continue reading

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Submission: New Jersey Route 439

Riley Taggart is a patently absurd yet incredibly insightful writer, improviser, and friend. Here’s what might be the best Welcome Sign ever produced, inspired by a random Wikipedia article. If you’re interested in submitting something, click here!

Welcome to New Jersey Route 439! If you’re reading this sign you must have at least six gym badges! Congratulations! Along the way you’ve encountered the feral beasts that are scattered throughout the wild American grass. Using your skills in the art of cat wrangling, you and your furry team of six felines have overcome great challenges. You’ve fought off the Broofalo Bros of the Mid West, survived the outraged Bigotes from the Deep Southlands, made nice with Jamaicoons and rode with their fishing vessels, and you’ve even investigated the mysterious activities of the infamous gang known as Team Jumpsuit and the Labstars. Now you’ve made it to New Jersey, the land famous for its difficult roads and treacherous beaches. This land is littered with the dangers of Schoonkis, Gouldbergs, and Salversteins. Be wary adventurer, for you are about to face the biggest fight of your life.

Pictured: the biggest fight of your life.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Jersey_Route_439

Wikimerick: Fashion in Film Festival

Limericks, despite what any stuffy poetry professor might tell you, are fun and awesome. Here are three, inspired by a random Wikipedia article.

An auteur in a pink patterned suit
Trying hard to market and recruit
A set of short films
That cater to whims
Of those who enjoy a nice zoot. Continue reading

Submission: Akash Bhairav

Vince Wloch is a sharp and funny writer, comedian, and friend. Here’s a short story he wrote, inspired by a random Wikipedia article. If you’re interested in submitting something, click here!

There was something about the way she moved that captivated him. Her untied apron slid side to side as her hands grabbed—nay—coddled each can before she ran it over the infrared scanner, as if she were rocking a baby, setting it onto a treadmill and trusting the boy at the end of it to make sure that this baby didn’t end up like he did the first time he used a treadmill at the YMCA: on the floor spread like a leopard skin carpet. No. He wouldn’t allow the same fate to befall this beautiful can of Rotel Chili. Alice had handed it to him. She had entrusted him to take care of it, and he would do just that. He gathered this can and brushed it softly against his pale skin. His blue eyes closed in a delight that could only exist in this moment at the end of register 14. Suddenly, his reverie was broken by the harsh voice to his left.

“Akash! I’m not paying you to make tender love to a can of chili! Back to work!” Continue reading

Wikix Word Story: Black Capitalism

According to literary legend, Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a six word story. His response: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Here is my attempt, inspired by a random Wikipedia article.

 

Free market. No fuckin’ asterisks, please.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_capitalism

Submission: Prodidactic (A Wiki-Speech)

Chad Rhiness is a brilliant improviser, writer, performer, and friend (whose Wikimprov work has appeared here previously). Here’s a presidential speech he wrote, inspired by a random Wikipedia article. If you’re interested in submitting something, click here!

My fellow Americans, four months ago I tentatively entered a doctor’s office in search of an explanation for a series of strange symptoms I had been experiencing for the past year. I asked a doctor friend of mine, whose specialization is in young birds, and his diagnosis was, “Go see a human doctor.” The First Lady insisted we get a second opinion. After hours of tests by “real” doctors, we received the results. I was suffering from Produdactis.

Continue reading

Submission: Steenwijkerland

John Niesen is a brilliant musician, funny and observant writer, performer, and friend. Here’s a short story he wrote, based on a random Wikipedia article. If you’re interested in submitting something, click here!

“You know we can never go back.”

Hal looked over his shoulder longingly. Standing next to him was the love of his life. It pained him to see her cry as she stared at the home they were leaving, but his mind had been made up.

Cynthia wiped her eyes and turned around to join Hal and together they faced the desert. The future. The thought of sand covered everything hit and it was all she could do to hold back another wave of tears.

“You may be right,” Hal choked out, “But at least we still have each other.”

There was a slight edge of fear in his voice that was not lost on Cynthia’s ears. She mentally noted how strange it was that his fear of losing her was enough to comfort her, before giving the man she loved a hug.  He was right. They did still have each other. Failed kingdom or no, she had Hal and he had her.

The pair took one last look at their swampy former kingdom before departing for the desert. Continue reading

Wiki-Spec Script: “Brassavola flagellaris”, Mad Men

In show biz, a spec script is written under “speculation”. No one has contracted the writer to make this script; she is doing it on her own time. In television, aspiring writers often write spec scripts for existing shows, to prove that they can write anything successfully.

Typically, one wants to pick a show he is super familiar with. I, on the other hand, am completely ignorant of Mad Men, besides what cool think pieces and my cooler than me friends talk about. Total ignorance, however, has never stopped me before. Here, inspired by a random Wikipedia article, is an excerpt from a Mad Men spec script.

He doesn’t even seem that mad.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY – THE NINETEEN-FUCKIN’-SIXTIES

DON DRAPER walks through a busy sidewalk. He wears a suit, smokes, is handsome. He seems VERY MAD.

He passes by a HIPPIE.

HIPPIE
Free love, man!

DON DRAPER
Let me send you an invoice.

Don Draper PUNCHES the hippie. Continue reading

Wikepitaph: Dramandougou

Epitaphs are short texts written about dead person, generally carved on a tombstone. They can often be quite creative. Here’s one, inspired by a random Wikipedia article.

Here lies Dramandougou,

The dragon who drank Dramamine.

Devoured a dirigible of reverent deacons —

At least his stomach wasn’t sour.

1891 – 1951

Dramandougou, probably

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramandougou